Wednesday, July 27, 2011... the day my face fell apart. Though some of the effects came on gradually over the course of a few days, the paralysis was sudden and alarming. Within a few short hours, my left eye, my tongue, and my ear went numb. In the mirror, I could see the left corner of my mouth fall. My left eye was hard to see out of and even more difficult to close. Since I was home alone with my one-year old son, I was nervous I could be having a stroke. Gladly, he was taking a nap in his room. My ear was throbbing.. I was getting dizzy.
Web MD said as long as I get treatment within three hours, I'll be alright. My dad came over right away to stay with Collin and my husband rushed home from work to take me to the Hospital. It seemed like I was in a dream. They said Bell's Palsey was the culprit. Thank God it wasn't a stroke. Thank God it wasn't life threatening. Thank God it's only Bell's Palsey.
The truth is, I don't feel thankful. I feel miserable. Something took my face away. Something made sure I could not smile at my son and my husband. Or taste my favorite ice cream. The pain is unbearable at times. The embarrassment is overwhelming.
I'm supposed to be thankful, right? I should go on living my life with dignity and grace. Otherwise I'm shallow and a hypocrite.
Yesterday, I was told by a very close friend to try to view this as a lesson that will benefit myself and possibly others the rest of my life. I wish I knew how.
I could hide under a rock with a bag over my head. But I'm sure I have something to say about this. Maybe someone will hear me and tell me they understand. Maybe I can help someone. I don't know.. maybe the only person this will help is me. God has not revealed to me any secrets. This is in His hands. I can only wait.
I will not hide under a rock with a bag over my head... not the entire time. But for now, I'm holding on to the bag.
It is wonderful you are putting a voice to the struggle you are having will Bell's. Beautifully written. Just remember to be as kind to yourself as you always are to others. I am sorry this happened but you are are stronger than you know and you will get through this. I have such faith in you girl.
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